The Pirates! in an Adventure with Whaling by Gideon Defoe

Author:Gideon Defoe
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 2004-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

“We’ve finished all the biscuits?” asked the Captain in dismay.

“I’m afraid so, Captain.”

“We could fire a lime, sir,” suggested the pirate with a scarf. “They’re sort of the right shape.”

“Aaaarrr. Fair enough,” said the Pirate Captain. “But dip it in tar so they think it’s a cannonball. Otherwise we risk looking stupid.”

“Can we wear those dinosaur masks we picked up at the Natural History Museum on our last adventure?” asked the pirate who was always getting nosebleeds. “I really think they add to our ferociousness.”

“Why not?” roared the Pirate Captain. “You know I’m always encouraging you lot to improvise. Express yourselves! Above all else remember that it’s meant to be fun – that’s the secret of good pirating.”

So the pirates fired the Lovely Emma’s cannons a couple of times and drew up alongside the Pequod. The Pirate Captain grabbed hold of a hefty rope, swung across to the other boat – showing considerable athleticism, and not a little leg – and landed square in the middle of its deck. One of the Pequod’s men charged forward waving a dangerous-looking harpoon, but the Pirate Captain hacked at him with his cutlass and the man dropped to the deck, split right down the middle. Seeing this grisly spectacle, the rest of the Pequod’s crew backed off a bit, and the Pirate Captain was left face to face with a single brave soul.

“I’m the Pirate Captain!” said the Pirate Captain, twirling his cutlass like a baton in a move he had been up practising all the previous night. “And I’m here for the loot!”

The man made no reply, but somehow his silence was fearsome in itself. A horrible sense of familiarity settled over the Pirate Captain. He squinted again at the fellow, and at his mop of straggly grey hair, and at the ugly scar that ran the length of one of his cheeks, and at the ivory leg poking out from the bottom of his trousers, and began to realise the terrible awkwardness of his situation.

“Oh dear,” said the Pirate Captain, turning a bright red.

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